It already is debilitating has been for a while.

As for SSI I am not on it yet, I've only submitted all the required information and still have a couple of appointments to find out more so I can submit more information to them, if I qualify I'll try and get on medicaid to but yeah if i don't get approved for SSI then I don't get medicaid.

Also I am not so sure getting to the root of it is really going to help, I mean I think I have a pretty good idea of what the roots of it are...and that doesn't really do anything to decrease it any. I think getting picked on, singled out and ostracized ever since I was a young child has a lot to do with it, as well as being in a dysfunctional family thats more about putting on an act and hiding true feelings than being open and honest about them...and I imagine there was some sort of genetic pre-disposition and such. Oh and the older I've gotten the more depressing the world in general seems to be and the more disturbing society seems.

Oh and apparently long term depression like that can cause brain damage more or less...like it can negatively effect the brain physically I would not be surprised if its had that sort of effect on me. Anxiety and PTSD don't help matters.

And all I can really do is wait for my appointment on the 27th with a psychiatrist, that the doctor I went to a few weeks ago referred me to...so I will see where that goes I suppose.