I am chastened reading the posts on this site. So many people with so many challenging situations. I really admire a lot of you guys and think you are incredibly brave. I need to count my blessings and I have many.
I wrote a long mail to my wife (I live in GB so two women can marry) and 'fessed up about the whole fantasy world thing. She had of course noticed that I have been withdrawn and apparantly have had mood swings. She had already googled warning signs of depression and bipolar disorder, bless her. She is very supportive. I feel better already for talking to her about it.
I spent most of yesterday afternoon 'there' but it already seems to be less compelling. The depression was less accute this morning and I threw it off almost completely over breakfast with colleagues. Am now trying not to go 'there' again.
Thank you all for your replies. It is making me weep.