I think that the strangest thing about parents is that we mostly learn from them what we "DON'T want" to be like. I think it is positive both ways because learning is the most important thing in our lives & whether we learn what we don't want to be like or what we want to be like....both are learning processes.

I know my parents tried to be loving....I didn't want their love (now that is a change). I learned from both parents what I didn't want to be like.....& even in my mothers death, I realized that I don't want to be anything like her.

One word you used was "what you SHOULD feel". I guess over the years I have realized that there is no should feelings....we just react the way WE as ourself react & we are better off usually if we don't get into the feelings that we SHOULD feel.

You are strong to have gone through the feelings you went through, but even through it was a bad experience with your mother, you are not repeating the same mistake with your own children.....you know how it feels & you know what feelings you needed and are providing that to your children. That is wonderful.

Debbie