For me, when I wake up in the morning and automatically have a thought like "I'm a loser," it's usually from my depression and low self-esteem, partly from having ground into me for so long that I was worthless. Also, although I have not been drinking for the past couple months, I had developed midlife alcoholism for the past couple years. That too plays into it all, because then I think of stupid things I did when I was drunk. I agree with the previous poster that a therapist may be able to help you sort all this out, because, yes, it can be all so confusing. I started seeing one and it is helping me.