It's really hard for me to say that.

I like to pretend that sometimes the DID doesn't exist or even sometimes that it just doesn't matter that much. I guess I spend my entire life trying to convince everyone that I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm surviving. Look at me. I'm good. I'm fine.

My team doesn't really take my DID very seriously so they've let me go to some pretty ****** therapists and even forced me to take therapy from caseworkers, when all along I tried to explain to them that I thought DID was at least a little more serious then that.

Today I went to a trauma therapist who told me straight out that I was just too severe for her. She didn't sugar coat it. She didn't try and use me as some experiment, like a lot of other therapists have. She told she had only worked with one other client and the client didn't have even close to as many parts as I did.

Trauma therapists will try and take me on, then not address my parts and I get muddled around in my suicidal parts. I live in a very rural part of Pennsylvania. But I did come home and find a man who is currently working with DID cases. Not just trauma, but DID.

And then I realized, maybe I am sick.