HI! Your post touched me so much. I really know how desperate and tired you feel. Every day I wonder why I get out of bed. Every day I have to convince myself to live. But I'm glad I do. When feel myself getting out of control, scared, angry, ashaemed, I remember my smile, my laugh, my courage. I think what has given me the grace to live, is my faith and my desire to fight. I tried to commit suicide once, and I saw my husbands face in the hospital afterwards. I realized that maybe know one is going to completely understand me in this life. But I'm not fake, I'm amazing, I can do anything because I'm special. I'm not just anyone. You are not just anyone. No one can be you, and you are incredible. Don't lose hope, at least try and get a Dr. to talk to. It would really help. I have two!! You are not alone, I'm here, way far in distance traveled, but not in spirit.