When you get the feeling that you don't belong here, it is the BPD ... & that's when you need most to be here. We do care about you. I'm sorry you're not sleeping, and that your emotions are all over the place. if you're on meds, they might need adjusting. Could it be your anniversary ... Do emotional events like that often get to you, upsetting your emotions?
Keep posting. It's the best thing you can do. We want to know what's going on, and hopefully if you post and we respond, this will lessen the urge for you to hurt yourself. Hugs and love to you, sweet lady.
Roadie