I can't be the only one?....just Europe and the USA use between them 27 tonnes of cocaine each year....thats a shitload!

and dope is higher....meth a bit lower and heroine?...well...how much can 15 million people use of that I wonder?

...anyway!

sometimes it all goes wrong and it's maybe gradual or suddenly.

It's ironic I will now use the word 'remember'...because what actually happened was that I 'forgot'....who I was

Allthough the other drugs I used were ok (huh?)...I knew the meth I was taking was not quite right but it was close enough...and this was 20 years ago...but for about 6 weeks it's all I could get my addictive little hands on.

I already had personality issues and eccentric behaviour but at least I kinda' related to it immediately enough to manage just a bit better than I do these days.

one night after one especially big hit

I remember looking at myself in the mirror..."without a damn clue who I was looking at?"....unsatisfied (obviously...or maybe...[depending on what ya want?]..) I went through some photographs I kept and I didn't recognise them!...

this was a crap result....especially that it went on for days and then I stopped looking.

and then it just stayed that way! guess I exceeded the limit

unintended accidently selected dementia!....I remember mum sayin' as a kid "don't pull a face kiddo' cos the wind might change and it will stay that way!"

it's only the last few months twenty years later I have installed a few of these pictures on the fridge....that I glimpse.

because SERIOUSLY....it's upsetting to lose myself so badly....I've been subsisting purely on the primal requirement to salvage these important things...these memories of myself and whats in the way now..?

diabolical anxiety