I understand exactly what you are going through Sadguy7. I too have some horrible things I have done in the past. Some days, I forget I have that shirt. Most days, it won't come off. Open Eyes and Big Mama have given some great advice, I am going to keep trying. It is so hard, though, and I know it feels like it will never go away, and truthfully, it is a piece of history now, but I keep telling myself I have been forgiven and hopefully I will believe it. The people I hurt even have forgiven me, but I still can't yet?

Have you thought about asking those you hurt for forgiveness too, if you haven't already? It is the HARDEST thing to do, to look someone in the eyes like that and hope to God they are willing to forgive, but it is a good feeling when they do...even if it only lasts a day, or an hour, or a few minutes. Just a thought. I hope that you find peace, and please keep posting. There are good people here who do care.