oh j, i can totally relate to your not knowing/recognizing who you are. i found that became true when i was a drunk...i love the phrase..a drunk. it cuts out all the BS. i used to look in my mirror after throwing up bile...graphic, i know..and said who is this person staring back at me? it was only when i stayed sober..finally...that i was able to recognize myself. i had peeled away the onion!
gradually i found myself. took a long time but i found ME was still there. your description of this phenomena is so real. "thanks for the memories"..music in the background.  i'm sure others may feel/felt how you do.
keep salvaging!!!
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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