My main diagnosis seems to be depression and anxiety. This is at least what allows me into the depression and anxiety groups (clubs). Unfortunately there other things going on that probably lead to my feeling depressed, but I can't get into those clubs because I don't have an official diagnosis.
What I'm talking about is the possibility of autism spectrum and possibly emotional abuse, etc... I find it frustrating reading about what people go through with clear cut labels to work with. I don't trust my labels and I don't feel it's even worth finding out my labels. The fact is I have a set of symptoms that fit Depression and anxiety and their underlying cause is very much related to my inability to understand other people, constant compensating for social fears and mistakes, inability to cope with change, feelings of emotional neglect that carry from childhood into adulthood and more.

So what club to I get to go to for support? This is a rhetorical question, but it's one I'm annoyed about overall. I can't just join in with aspergers because I don't know if I have it and my coping skills may mask it so much that even if I do have it, it would be hard to detect. I don't know if it's ADD or I'm just crazy.

Why are labels required for me to get support for the fact that I constantly feel like people want me fired at work or are looking for faults in my work. Or my hatred of talking to a check out person when I buy something because I have scripts I use to keep from getting too anxious. Sometimes I don't need the scripts and am able to just go with the flow, but these days I'm a wreck.
Individual therapy for me is not about fixing problems but learning coping techniques. The idea is to not let my emotions control my actions. Very difficult stuff, but also neutral to whatever problem I have. And it makes me feel like I have no identity. Those labels that get used give identity and I want something to help me identify with a group. I may just self-proclaim autism spectrum becuase I have some and they think my daughter has aspergers (although that's still unknown for certain because nothing truly rules it in).

My feelings are overwhelming to me, so I need to get something out before I explode at work. I'm trying to distract from them by writing something like this, but it's hard. I'll start to go back to the acting "as if" i don't have the feelings (very hard skill to do).

Perhaps I'm just a whiny normal person.