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Sep 21, 2012, 10:30 AM
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Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,288
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sadguy7
I understand and been told this
But I just can't move on, it's already done, like a brand new white shirt stained with ink that won't come out.
I can't just keep wearing this shirt and act like the stain isn't there..i just want to throw the shirt away and go back to bed.
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(((Sadguy))),
What you are discribing here is the "core" of PTSD. And as someone who struggles myself, I totally understand how you feel.
You have to try to understand that the fact that you have seen your own failures, is the first step to addressing the "stains" that you keep hanging onto.
Yes, you hear others telling you this, but you have not been able to "forgive" yourself for being human and making mistakes in your life.
But you have to dig deeper than that and understand "what" prompted those errors to take place.
I have been doing that myself and it has been quite a journey for me because I have had to look at how my subconscious was loaded from my childhood. We are all born with a pretty "clean" slate and what goes into that subconscious depends on what kind of environment we grow up in and the messages we receive, and how we receive them.
What many struggle with when they present with PTSD is a sense of failure. But that is not being "fair" to "self" because there will be things we genuinely did not know how to "resolve" or "react to" when we faced challenges in our past.
For example; my husband was a binge alcoholic. He succumbed to turning to alcohol in order to overcome some deep seeded issues that he had to address growing up. And he also struggled with ADHD as well. His use of alcohol turned into a behavior pattern where he lied to me, protected his need, and even cheated on me. I was always honest and never deserved it. I did not understand alcoholism either.
When my husband finally got sober, he had to face the "wrongs" and he struggled because he didn't know how to tell me he had "cheated on me". And because he felt guilty, he was actually "mean and dismissive" towards me.
With help he has learned why he had these behavior patterns. He cannot change what he did, all he can do is know it was wrong, why it was wrong and vow to learn how to better live his life. He has had to "forgive" himself. And he helps others to do the same.
We are only human, and we all can make terrible mistakes in our lives.
No, we cannot change the mistakes, but we can choose to learn from them and grow inspite of them, even share with others who struggle as well. You are not alone you know, you are just human after all.
The fact that you can identify your own "errors" is a beginning to healing. If you didn't have this "recognition" going on, there would be now room for "growth" to take place.
You , can never take away the wrongs, but you "can" learn to forgive "self" and move on. We are all designed to do that, even you.
 Open Eyes
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