Trigger.... This mentions some coercive abuse techniques.

I think sometimes I have to tell people that I'm okay, because that's what I did my entire childhood. I was programmed to give responses. Brainwashed.

And I still have to do that. Convince everybody that I'm okay. I feel like I need deprogrammed or something. Like I'm running on his Army still. Like I wouldn't actually have a lack of social skills, or be so unconfident if I didn't still run on his terms. Even decades later he still reigns.

I was reading the Jaycee Dugard story and she seems so happy and normal now, even though we went through some similar circumstances. I was younger though and mine didn't last nearly as long and I can't help but wonder if it was because she was deprogrammed and given proper treatment. Where with me, my abuser got away with it and continues to live his life happily ever after, two miles down the road. I was never physically kidnapped, but emotionally I was separated from my family for years by a neighbor.