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I am looking for some direction on how I should handle some situations with my in-laws. Over the past three years, they have provided unwanted input about my life with their daughter. I've walked a fine line on letting them know when to back off and when I should just let them talk to keep the peace. They do trust me and we had/have a good relationship.
However, my daughter was born 2 years ago and in those two years my in-laws have wanted to visit 2-3 times a week (for the whole day sometimes). I can't fault them for being grandparents and loving my daughter, but time and time again my father-in-law leaves doubt in my mind that he does not know when it is time to let the father (me) be a father and when he needs to back off in my opinion. For example, he tried in the beginning to plan Christmas morning with our family so that my daughter could sit with him while opening presents. I have no problem speaking up to him, so I tell him that I don't want Christmas to happen that way because this is a memory a father should have. I have to remind him that he had his chance as a father and now it's my turn.
Recently, they have been up 2 days a week to watch my daughter while my wife and I work. Here are a few situations that happened and please let me know if I am overreacting.
1) My wife and I are in agreement NOT to always hold my daughter when she falls. My father-in-law tends to run to her, pick her up, and treat her as if it is a life threatening injury. I fear that if he continues this, my daughter will feel like she can run to my father-in-law when hurt and not her father
2) I bought three toys for my daughter the other day. Yesterday, my father-in-law said something to me sarcastically about buying the toys. I immediately responded with, it's my daughter, so she's worth it. I know that he is upset because my wife has told my father-in-law not to buy toys (and for the record I did inform my wife of the purchases first and she was ok with it). Later that night, my wife brought this up and said that my father-in-law was upset with my tone of voice. Am I being too tough on my in-laws?
3) Similar to #2, when my father-in-law asked what I was doing for Halloween, I said I was taking my daughter out trick or treating. Since my in-laws will be up, I said they could stay back and hand out candy. My father-in-law was clearly upset when looking at his face and tried to come up with a reason to go with us. Again, I just feel that this is a father moment (1st time out trick or treating). Am I overreacting?
Sorry for the long post. All thoughts are welcomed. Again, I am just trying to see if I am overreacting to these situations and what I should do to make sure that the "father" moments belong to me. I just fear that if I give too much flexibility to my father-in-law, my daughter could get confused on whom she should run to.
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