I started my Seeking Safety group at my psych hospital this past week. Seeking Safety is a group designed specifically for people with PTSD and addictions. It's a group I've wanted to do for a few years, and I've had multiple of my Dr's recommend it, as they all feel that the missing piece for me in terms of addiction treatment has been the trauma piece.

But the group was super triggering. There are a couple of people in it who are still active in their addictions and have stated that they have no intention of stopping - that's only mildly triggering, I can cope with that.

But what really got me, was everyone there was a victim of childhood SA. And some of the women were really vocal about talking about it, and trying to get into detail about it. That massively triggered me, as it's a subject that I've kept very tightly repressed until relatively recently, it's only been in the last year that I've been able to even mention it in T.
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It also doesn't help that the group is being observed for training purposes, though a one way mirror - that kind of freaks me out.

I almost burst into tears at one point, but managed not to cry, but I did wind up tracing the scars on my one arm with a fingernail as a means of grounding myself.

But I was so upset after the session, that I was physically shaking. I tend to express all emotions physically. I needed to take extra clonazapam to calm down (I have my pdoc's permission to do this occassionally) and I basically spent the rest of the day in bed.

Obviously I can't have every day be a complete writeoff after every session, so I've got to come up with some coping strategies. I think I'm going to take my little stuffed dog with me to the next session to hold onto, to help keep me grounded. And I definitely need to schedule a debrief call with someone after the session.

I really want to continue with the program as I think it will help me, but it is really intense.

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