I'm getting into deep therapy now, I don't use meds as they have never helped much, if at all. I used to have recurrent nightmares all involving themes of being powerless or socially irrelevant. Lately something has been stirred up as I deal with my issues, and this is how I keep feeling almost all the time - powerless, irrelevant, invalid almost, in spite of plenty of evidence to the contrary. I've never felt this frustrated and alienated, even from myself.

I really need pocket riders this week as I fight this thing. I keep having to remind myself these are old fears and they're not real, but it is very hard.