Distant Malice, I can really relate to you. I am 28, and I have schizophrenia. It is very confusing. You sound like you are entering a state of psychosis. This must be your first time, that is why you may not recognize this. It is hard to tell reality from what ever else there is besides reality. You should get somewhere that you cannot hurt yourself or others at. I have had to visit a hospital for inpatient care from time to time. It gives you a safe place to be until those thoughts pass. Then you can work on strengthening yourself. You can also find healing from the condemnation. I am here to tell you, you are not a bad person. That voice is trying to see if you will believe whatever it says. It is a liar. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I suggest you tell your parents you don't feel safe and you are psychologically fragile at the moment. They may not be familiar with the process of checking you into a hospital. They will need to realize that this is an emergency. Sincerely, Glinda Gail