InfiniteSadness, YES! Thats how I usually feel, but you just need to understand its OCD, its not you, there were times I was like "Man! I need to be happy and i really want to be!" but then there is just a thing that pulls you down, and makes you depressed. But Infinite, this really isn't you. I have violent thoughts as well, and one thing I can tell you no one ever acts on them if that concerns you. My therapist told me, if I ever think "Will I become a killer?" he then tells me why i never think "Will i become a cheerleader?" or something silly like that. Keep posting, this is a great community to help. Find a therapist, or just ask your doctor to schedule one.