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Old Apr 17, 2004, 06:17 PM
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dexter dexter is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Dec 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 3,133
>>I have never been allowed to even becoem a victim. That would require someone else to believe you were victim'ized'.

I don't think she meant victim in the societal sense, but rather in the emotional sense. In fact I think being the victim of abuse or a crime and having no one understand or believe would make someone even more prone to a victim mindset, because then they are not only a victim of the original crime, but then also victim of the disrespect of peers and/or professionals. People who feel like perpetual victims often generate the same type of negativity in their minds as depressed people do. Some of them start to seek trouble or find offense everywhere because it becomes the only way they know to relate to life and living.

Obviously that is not a constructive coping mechanism, it wears down the person and keeps them from seeking real help. I don't know if any of that applies to you to any degree... but given your history, it might be a possibliity to consider. And yes it must be terrible to have gone what you have gone through and then to have it compounded by the reaction from the people who might have otherwise helped, and i'm not saying that any of that isn't 100% real as a part of your experience. I don't know anyone who wouldn't build up anger and resentment over that. The question, whether any of this is relevant to you or not, is where do you go from here? Do you continue to seek solutions or create your own solutions where none currently exist, or do you just let the anger eat you alive?

I also agree very much that it would be highly inappropriate for a counselor to relate any of their personal experiences in a session. I think they should be judged on whether they are helping you or not. Whether that help comes from personal experience or just experience and understanding of the human condition doesn't matter. If they are not helping you it does not matter whether they have personal experience or not.

Your resentment over your inability to find someone who can help, and your anger over further abuse by someone who was supposed to help, is reasonable and justified IMO. And it must make it very difficult to go on looking for help. But I sincerely hope you can find the strength to continue to seek help at your own pace and I hope you can find someone who can eventually help you.

With regard to wanting to know if you are "normal" or not, if you feel you are not having that satisfactorily address by your doctor, have you tried getting into a group therapy situation, finding a more generalized support group that you can attend, or starting a local support group. I felt great benefit in my group therapy sessions for that very reason. I can address issues more deeply with my personal T and pdoc, but group therapy gave me not only a sense of sharing but also a chance to see how others were dealing with life and similar issues and general life issues.

I hope you can find some comfort in venting your frustrations here, or if not here, in some appropriate forum. I believe venting is good but it must also be accompanied with seeking constructive help. I hope you have been able to find some help and that you will continue to look in the future. Good luck to you.

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