Thank you Blueinanna
I went right to bed last night (phone always says I'm online) feeling like the biggest #%!& up ever. I already know why I cheat on my husband. Of course this doesn't make it right. Heres the story of my husband and me--I got pregnant with my first daughter at 20. I was still going to school and lived at home with my dad who was my best friend. I had to tell him I was pregnant and within a hour of telling him, be had me in church in front of the priest confessing my sins and insisting I'm married ASAP cuz no daughter of his would be having a baby out of wedlock. He was very strict Polish-Catholic. Had me married in a week. His whole family never came to wedding because my mother in law said I need a abortion and didn't want to know the "gold digging slut). I knew I loved bill but as a great friend. I could never find that love that I hoped I could. So I went through the wifely motions. Never accepted from them until recently they're warming up. My dad felt horrible through the years and offered to help me pay for a divorce. He saw I couldn't love my husband. My husband has hardly any sex drive and is honestly the coldest person in bed. He never "went down" and I would ask him to try and he won't. He barely touches me. Like I have thorns on me. I continued to be a good mother and even have another daughter 4 yrs later. I love my girls with all my heart and have a wonderful relationship with them. Just now I have the dark side I began years ago. I craved attention and wanted to be "wanted". My husband started "online relationships" I saw he'd send body part pics to women and say "show me your feet" (yup foot feet) or my wife didn't give me any-are you online?? That was years ago when things went through email mainly. I stumbled upon those emails. He never initiates sex honestly and at this point can care less. I should divorce him but I hold on for kids. I know that's wrong thing to do. Just hate to throw their comfy life off. So the double life comes In. I really would love a real loving relationship. I'm always looking for passion as my name says. I tattooed passion on my leg. Means someday I'm hoping I'll find it. Most guy Ive been with I'd ask them to "make love to me". Always want it passionate. Unfortunately alot of times I just want sex like a human being and have to go elsewhere. My pdoc and T have both met my husband. Both say we are very wrong for each other and they feel his coldness. They were amazed by how cold he is. My friends know he is too. My life has spun out Of control way too many times from my head just being so depressed and exhausted from this life. Really would live to go start
Fresh someplace else. This isn't a pity story--just points out how I've tried for years to accept my marriage and do things right.