Welcome to PC, I'm glad you are here! I do think this place can help you, it is a great place to gain insight and receive support. What you describe worries me a bit. Are you safe right now? Seeing a therapist? On medication to try and manage the symptoms a bit? I hope it is a yes on all three, and I hope you keep posting on here. Again, welcome to PC!
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dailyhealing
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller
Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content. –Bob Dylan
“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.