Okay, so this has been bothering me for awhile now and I honestly feel is the reason behind a large amount of my problems (obviously, all sexual ones). When I was little, my parents got split custody of me and my sister. When we would go over to my father's house, he would beat me and lock me up and I would be stuck while he raped my sister in the next room. I look exactly like my father and that makes me so angry.

My sister is the only one I care about in the world anymore and I feel so guilty for not telling anyone about what was happening back then, for her sake. I hate myself so much for that.

But that's not even the main issue. Everyone always told me that what my father did "caught them completely off-guard. He would never do something like that." But he did. And that's what worries me.

My sexual thoughts have been strange and messed up ones and with both my and my father's shut-off personalities, I'm worried that I could have inherited this from him as well. I don't want to hurt anyone like that but, if no one thought he was capable of this... and knowing what they think of me. They know nothing about me. I'm worried I'll grow up to be the same. This has led to me rejecting the idea of having sex even in adulthood for fear that I won't be able to control myself. I don't want to become my father - I hate him more than anyone else I know and I don't want to do to other women what he did to my sister. But I just want to feel normal, to not feel like I have to keep myself restrained all the time.