Uhg. I am so frustrated. Therapy isn't working again and I just think to myself "what is the point of even going?" each week. I've been like this for 31 years so I'm not sure why I thought therapy could help me, or meds. There is only one med left on the market for me to try and it costs a lot of money, but its only a mood stabiliser so even if I did win the lottery, no luck there. The meds I am on now rot my teeth.. you should see them. Tricyclics.. never go on them. They rot your teeth big time (they do something to your saliva the dentist tells me).

Sometimes I wonder will I ever be able to wash my clothes again? to shower again? to be able to enjoy something again? I have not enjoyed something in 19 years. I remember the last time quite clearly but as I get older the memory fades. Anhedonia.. i would say that is the worst part of this depression. Will I ever get a job again? Be able to leave the house again? I have this university degree.. will I ever be able to use it again? It has been so long.