Dear Rose.....I do not know your whole story, in fact not very much about the details, but I must say to hear you describe yourself as "pathetic" breaks my heart, and I must say this. Whatever else you are, during the few months I have been here on pc you have so often been an inspiration to me with your gentle, fighting spirit and so many kind words and hugs for others.....whether you were feeling okay or not. Due to the arthritis in my spine I know how it is to suffer from physical pain in addition to the horror of depression, and personally I think you are an amazing spirit. Anything but pathetic. I am so, so sorry about all the pain you endure, and I pray that some kind of comfort comes to you soon. Love and hugs ~whimsy