Hi unhappyguy

I understand. I have been bullied a lot in my life (being a lesbian with mental problems from a 'strange' family). I also have variants of PTSD from it. My jobs in the past have caused me a great deal of stress, one in particular in which the boss was extremely abusive. Leaving the job could have been the best thing you've done. Is there any way you can get unemployment insurance as you prospect new means of income?

As far as dealing with bullying my general coping strategy was to confront and lash out. This always got me into trouble, my anger and frustration would be overwhelming...this only caused further stress and made others meaner. The other option I had was to bottle it and 'suck it up', pretending as if it didn't happen...this caused even further depression in fact to the point of having to take seroquel for awhile for the deep depression I couldn't get out of. How do we stand up for ourselves without 'stirring the pot' , yet not regret it and fall into despair later?

I think one great way to avoid our anger and panic is to first try to talk rationally and honestly to said bully, "look, I understand that you're pressured at this job too, but the way you're treating is really discouraging. It makes me feel uncomfortable." If this honest and kind approach doesn't work , the next step is to contact a human resource representative at the company or a local employment human rights rep., the next step is to gear up to bring in others to help protect ourselves.

Bullies in the workplace are just that, bullies. We all know the old saying that bullies are that way because they have their own issues (low self-esteem) It's true. This has nothing to do with you...the bully at the workplace is trying to control you. Abuse is perpetuated via shame and guilt on your part. If you are feeling shame, sadness, weakness, despair, the bullying has worked. We have to let bullies know they are NOT in control, we need help if necessary. Our anger will only stimulate their desire to affect us in someway (hence why my verbal outlashes have never worked).

I would suggest to keep track of every encounter with said bully that makes you feel abused. This will be evidence of situations in which we are the victim. We can keep direct account of what happened, better also if another person is around so we can hold them accountable. The person doing the abuse will of course argue against all encounters and deny everything. In future jobs, try to ally yourself with everyone you can, this way you have people to 'back you up' further if someone is being abusive, they can speak up for your own integrity.
The counselling and therapy can help with the depression and the PTSD, these are serious, if you have lost faith in therapy you could perhaps try some medications or an alternative form of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral or DIalectical behavioral which has a great success rate among those with PTSD. (We with BPD believe that we have a longer-term form of PTSD and find great relief from DBT. www.dbtselfhelp.com )Also , I use meditation and yoga for my anxiety.

There are routes you can take as far as compensation and justice regarding psychiatric damage because of abuse. It is important to keep a record of all bullying events, as well as talk with another person (confidante or therapist) about all events as well --this person can also speak for your integrity and see the damage the bully has caused. A human rights advocate can help you...also, many lawyers will give you a free consulation phone if you need legal advice, there are also many helplines for victims of bullying and they can help you find resources.

Doing all these things and having the bully brought to justice often doesn't further the bullying but disentigrates it (despite popular belief). It shows that the bully is indeed NOT in control, you are.