Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I grieve, cry, accept but the cycle still repeats and I don't know why! I am aware of what my T does for me yet I am still angry and sad. More sad now than angry, because it's a loss that I know I MUST accept... When she says "it's not about me" I feel this awful pain. It feels like it NEEDS to be about her, not that I WANT it to be.
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I too think you are grieving the wrong thing. In the past when anyone raises the issue of your mother you barely address it or ignore it completely. Does it NEED to be about T because facing what it is really about (your mom) is just too painful?
As enmeshed as your mom was with you there were many things you needed from her in her lifetime that you never received. I don't think it is coincidental that love, unconditional acceptance and emmeshment are the things you repeatedly seek from your Ts. As long as you can get these from your Ts you don't have to ever face the loss of your mom.
Conversely, as long as you don't face the loss of your mom and all that it means for you, you will have this NEED to avoid it through enmeshment with your Ts.
As much as your pattern protects you, it also keeps you trapped.