Hi Rose, when you say you know it's not true that really nice people wouldn't want to bothered with you, I think you are right. Maybe it is your gut instinct confirming that you are worthy of having nice people in your life.

You said you have a history of hurtful rejections and of being exploited by some. So do I. For me, I did sometimes think I had to accept just anybody because I didn't feel worthy enough of a reciprocal friendship. And I think those kind of people, users and/or critical people, have a kind of honing device to pick out their next "friend." If the "friendship" doesn't work out, often they move on to the next one who will put up with them. I just dumped a woman who had glommed onto me, even started calling me her "agent." (Yeah, her unpaid one). Wasn't worth the effort on my part or the wasted time. I would rather be alone! You are right that you should select who you want to be friends with... or at least have a say-so in it.

It seems to me your thoughts are pretty straight-on... though I know putting thoughts into actions is a whole lot harder. Volunteering, book club, p/t job, they all sound like a good idea. I just joined a club and have been thinking a while about volunteering, as I'm not working, besides a little research and investing. Lack of structure isn't always a good thing..

Anyways, sorry about your back pain. And I'm glad you helped yourself a little bit by writing some of your thoughts down.