Hi Tom. I'm so glad you're going to get to try something new. I've worked in group settings and at times it was very hard, but I always learned alot. I really hope it helps. I hope that you will be met with understanding, acceptance and caring. It's pretty neat you have the support of your wife too!
I also know what it feels like to not be heard. It puts me right back into that place when I was little and trying to get someone to help me and it seemed I was invisable. It's not a good feeling. I'm an artist and one thing I did was to paint huge paintings, anywhere from 31/2' X 4' to 6 1/2' X 4 1/2'. I would paint vibrant paintings about the abuse. It was like screaming. It was great, so healing! I also wrote in journals everything I was feeling, my anger and frustrations. That also helped alot.
As far as people saying you're being a victim, I always found that to be painful. It felt like I was being judged. Looking back, I realize that that was not their motive, but it hurt. When you're able to think and act differently, you will. You're working really hard to get the help you need. I hope you can see that and feel good about the fact that you are doing what you can to get better. Take good care! Annie