I am confused by therapy.
In the past two years I have seen three different t's, the first two were humanistis and inegretive and the last a clinical counselor.
All three have been very different, T one listened all the time, never expressed any of her feelings or advice or ever enlightened me with anything she would or did know. I was clueless as to what was happening but now I have realised I was severely depressed, going through PTSD and having a nervous breakdown and T1 never told me that I was going through all of this. She said that if I didn't take care of myself I would end up mentally ill. I actually thought I was going mad, my hands were shaking, I was crying all the time, I couldn't eat or sleep and the while T just listened, it wasn't very helpful as she never gave me any advice on how to take care of myself or advice on what was happening. I mean surely she knew this was what was happening to me? It would have helped if she had of told me and explained what I was going through was normal.
T2 tells me what to do, Leave home because my mum is abusing me, sleep with a man because I want to have a child, make it up with my ex. She has figured out a lot of things about me though in only five sessions. She reckons that I am drawn to these women who are abusive because something about me lets them treat me like this and part of me like it. She hasn't figured out why yet.
T3 is very insightful, if I tell her something happened she says oh thats because of this and that. She explains everything perfectly but is not the most sympathetic. I see her as more of a friend then a T and I feel weird seeing her in person. I tell her everything through email. She is a few years older than me and She swears a lot and talks normally not like a t, and I like this about her I feel like I can be myself around her and I am not trying to be somebody else like I was with the other T's. I had major transference with the other two t's and now its starting to develop with her and I am scared. Other two ts were older and more like moms.
I don't understand therapy and am confused by it all, I am wondering why I am even going anymore. I want to get to know T3 but everytime she emails me or texts me something happens and my barriers go up.