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kebsfroggy · Sep 22, 2012, 07:55 PM

First off, I'm not a medical professional. I am frog of little brain. I've been hanging around pc now for quite some time.

Let me first say, I'm so glad that you wrote about your feelings and how you're feeling about your current condition. Sometimes just the physical activity of writing helps. Other times it is the seeing in black and white what is troubling you that is the answer.

Many things you mentioned reminded me of me awhile ago. My diagnosis was more like a bingo game. Put your hand in the container and pull out a #. If you pick three #s in a row or column, bingo, you have the diagnosis for the week. So many tries, so many mis-steps and no improvement. It took many med.-treatment combos including losing 30 yrs of my life, before I found the dr. who actually listened. This is not easy especially if you have been previously "tagged". There aren't many who listen to what you're saying and how you're saying it.

Your prescribed a narcotic, if it works use it without fear of addiction. Be sure to talk with your doc about the effect and the results you desire. Plus tell him outright that you are afraid of becoming addicted and what symptoms you should look for. Or perhaps he will change to a combo of new drugs or a drug like cymbalta which lately has been accepted as a treatment for pain and also one of the depression drugs.

I'm sure you are a wonderful person, even if I don't know you. You have talked yourself into a deep hole of depression with no way out. I've been in those deep, dark, terrifying places with no escape. Each try to get back to normal meets with defeat. Leaving you consumed with depression that causes your isolation. Been there, done that, way too many times to count.

But it was my mood that was stopping me. In some underhanded, self-centered way I concluded my feelings about myself (self-esteem) determine my mood. Those around me responded to my mood. When your self esteem is low, you dislike yourself and that reflects in your mood. People respond to the mood you present to the world. Keeping a possitive mood was next to impossible to change. Finally, after enough meds. and a special person I can call to have a "vent" session when I need it, things look a little brighter now after 12 yrs. Of course, that is until the next crisis hits.

You mentioned you had a problem with friendship and isolation. The word itself has many different descriptions. Some consider friendship a major commitment with no exceptions. Others have different "types" of friendship. Your friendship is all encompassing. An entity with specific requirements and you require all aspects to be necessary to be a friend. Everything else is just an acquaintance.

However, many apply the concept of friendship in a more relaxed way into different categories. Their requirements that make you a friend are different from yours, i.e. my walking friend, my shopping friend, my Facebook friend. Your idea of what a friend is and what someone else considers a friend can be entirely different.

You need to accept their idea of "friend". You must consider them only as an acquaintance if they don’t meet you requirement for friend. Whether you tell them is entirely up to you but telling them may hinder your relationship with this person and could force you into isolation. How you present your view of “acquaintance” and “friend” will change your life.

I wish you the best.
always feel free to post.
kebs