Who the heck needs friends? Who needs people to care about you? Why should they care about you? You're useless and have no purpose. You're a burden on your wife. They need to stop caring. It would make things so much easier. I've gotten worse in the last few days. The hallucinations are containing more and more paranoia. I think I see cars chasing me when I am driving. I see creatures on the hoods of cars behind me. I see people watching me. I feel their eyes on me. I hear them calling my name. Laughing at me. Telling me I am evil and worthless. That I should die. It would make everything better. I am alone in this world. No one understands how alone I feel. I am always alone at home. My wife leaves at five in the morning to go to work and doesn't get home until six in the evening. Some days she even stays later. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I can't sleep. I am up to all hours of the night. I hate myself. I feel like I'm never going to get better. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder (rapid cycling) with psychotic features, PTSD, and OCD for ten years and each year I have gotten worse. I am treatment refractory according to my pdoc. I'm tired of fighting these d**mn diseases. I don't have any friends that I can call mine. Nobody to hang out with during the day when I am alone. I get caught in my head. I...I don't know anything anymore. My wife says that I am likeable and unforgetteable. If so, then where are all MY friends. MY friends from work, who have abandoned me. MY friends from playing softball, who have abandoned. MY friends. Where the heck are MY friends? I DON"T HAVE ANY BECAUSE I AM WORTHLESS. My parents and other family live 1500 miles away from me, so my absence wouldn't be a big deal if I just disappeared. I can't keep putting the weight on my wife to take care of me and worry about me. It's not fair to her.

Someone out there...will you please just talk to me? Let me know that I have the strength to keep fighting? I know you don't know me from Adam, but please, I am asking for your help.