I really swear I feel pretty good. These past few months (July and on) I think I've had an overall better mood than I had for the entire previous school year. Mind you, I've had lots of exceptions, but I spend more of my day feeling neutral than extremely down, and I've been thinking about suicide and death a lot less than I normally do. (I normally can't go an hour without thinking about sui/death, but it only crosses my mind a couple times a day now.) I'm not seeing a T now, but I feel relatively good for myself.

For some reason, I've been self-harming way more than when I would define my overall mood as being a lot worse. The past week, I've been cutting at least twice a day if not three or four + times. I tell myself I won't do it, or I'll tell myself I'll only make two or three cuts, and then it turns into more. I put sharp objects in my car and in my nightstand, and have been fighting the urge to put them in my school bag. I try to remind myself of all the reasons not to do it, but it doesn't work. If I try to do something else instead, I'll get upset. The thought of not cutting makes me feel... empty. I've cut more this week than I ever used to in months. I know the right thing to do is stop, but I have trouble telling myself to do that. I have no idea why I feel the need to do this so much if I'm not as sad as I used to be.