Quote:
Originally Posted by Maranara
No I'm not. I have 3 or 4, maybe close to a week of okay days and then it comes crashing. A lot of people on the forum have gotten used to my crashes. I am okay, I help others, I feel good, and then I slide to rock bottom. I don't think a therapist would really help. I need to practice my DBT and my self soothing without the need of alcohol. I'm getting there, slowly. My story is long and sordid and you can find it in here if you go back far enough. That's the biggest thing that was stripped from me: the ability to cope, to be quiet, to keep things to myself, so I post my f*****ing story on here for all to see.
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I feel very bad that you are going back and forth like this... I think it'd really benefit you to seek help from someone since it appears like you are self-counseling very well, but then something goes wrong, or you might not give yourself the support you need. I understand your sense of pain and frustration and for many years I also tried to be my own counselor in a sense, and it ended up just taking me to deeper and darker places of weird introspection and a sense of psychosis that I didn't need. My last episode with the codependency is what brought me to therapy. I finally found a therapist who is a good fit for me so in a way the breakdown was a blessing. I'm really happy for you that you aren't abusing substances to cope anymore which is a huge step. But I feel that while you can self-soothe perhaps you need to look at yourself and say, Wow, I'm great but I deserve help and I deserve a break.