Rachel - Thank you. Your post here wasn't viewable by me when I was last here. (We were typing at the same time.) Like the others above, you have helped me with your understanding. I really do have a history of being targeted by individuals who have an "eye" for whom they might be able to exploit. What you say about the "honing device" syndrome is a reality that people who are "wise to the ways of the world" catch on to earlier in life than I did. Lack of experience with life - that I think comes from having been introverted - has led to me being a little slow on the uptake at times. Yes, I do believe that gets spotted. Also, I've cooperated with the "designs" of others, even after I could see where they were coming from. Like I said, I kind of figured it was either that or have contact with nobody. That was selling myself short. I want to approach life differently, since that sure didn't work out well. I even do feel compassion for the type of people who did "glom" on to me. Their stories are kind of sad too. That tends to tug on my heartstrings. I got to toughen up a bit. That acquaintance who depended on me for rides has since found a neighbor who lends his second car to her. She does always find a solution . . . she moves on, alright. What really disenchanted me with her was that I've seen her be quite uncharitable . . . and worse. I would not describe her as a kind person. That's what I mean about us having different values.

froggy - I am thinking very hard about what to say to people, like the acquaintance I just described. You make a very good point about how I can "hinder" myself by blurting out what I think, when that may not be necessary or appropriate. Yes, to me "friendship" is something sacred, like the commitment you make to someone you love. In the past, I've been told that I have a tendency toward "all-or-nothing" thinking. I understand that, in life, things are not just black or white. I want to learn to get more comfortable with handling those shades of grey. I can have room in my life for people who are less than what I would consider true-blue friends. In fact, I understand that life could be pretty empty otherwise. I just have to learn how to strike that balance of allowing the amount of closeness that any given relationship merits, and not get over-involved to my own detriment. I could be waiting forever to meet a candidate for a true-blue, reciprocal friendship. That long wait could be due, in part, to me not taking more initiative. It's like I got behind in life, and now it's hard to catch up.

I'm glad things are brighter for you, now. You are a thoughtful person who ought not to be spending long intervals in deep, dark places with no escape. Sounds like you've progressed. Maybe I can, too.

alone - Not having structured time is turning out awful for me. I don't have a lot of natural self-discipline. I had thought that once I got SSDI, I would be able to put energy into something worthwhile. That is going to be harder than I anticipated. Just 3 days ago, I got my first check. Guilt has descended upon me. It's good to hear that you have found it rewarding to work with the Red Cross. I do know that it can be not all that easy to secure a volunteer position. The application process can be like going after a paying-job. The Humane Society wants references. Not knowing people is quite a handicap - on a number of fronts.

Hi all - Vicodin helped my back, but it's getting harder to sit in this chair. So I better conclude for now. I will read all these responses again, tomorrow, and that will help me a lot. Thank you all so much.