If that's what's keeping you from seeking help, don't go there. You're jumping to conclusions. a lot of teens go through periods of having/expressing death wishes.
I was diagnosed as clinically depressed when I was eight. It wasn't the right diagnosis, as it turned out. But I got enough help that I got beyond the death wish ... & the was a relief.
Please talk to your mom about finding a psychiatrist for a general evaluation, to see what may be going on. If the diagnosis doesn't seem right, get a second opinion. Don't take any meds without feeling really comfortable with any pdoc you may start seeing.
Life can be a lot better for you (& your relationship with your mother might get better). Don't stay isolated. I'm so glad you found PsychCentral. Keep posting & please talk with your mom.
Roadie