To justify, I never meant to sound like I wanted to be one of those horrible people because they're admired for it and I want to be admired for it too. I have a real issue phrasing what I'm trying to say. It was more like, I've always been that good person but continue to be treated like crap because of it, like you said about being more assertive. I do everything I can to be a good person still but that doesn't mean there's not this darkness inside of me that wants to hurt people. I'm just fighting it all the time. I would like to thank everyone for their help. As soon as I can get on my feet I will work on getting access to a psychologist and I do understand the need to fight back, it's just hard when you don't know who you are.