Thank you Kebsfroggy,
I guess I "want" to be comatose. I know it sounds wierd, but knowing I can block out everyone and everything at night is what keeps me alive.

We live in a rural area and the closest psychiatrist is 1 hour from here. Not much selection. I really don't want to talk to a new one and the thought of it is making me so anxious. We've been through numerous psychiatrists with my oldest son who has Bipolar Disorder, and it has been very frustrating.