Thank you all!!!! I will take all your advice and going to try that. It's true that this is a karma of being a bad person, no matter what I would never want to be cruel like that. I'm trying to focus on what I've learned from this and what I've gained, one of them is I found this site and there are people here really listen to me and give me comfort when I need it Really really thank you!!!!

I haven't consult a therapist or take any meds, not only is it expensive to visit a private doctor, the gov's ones also have a long waiting list...And I'm still finding a reason WHY I want to help myself and keep living....