thank you for ideas n suggestions.

rap i dont know about the therapy thing i dont think its very me. i feel like if i just got control of the depressive thing then i wouldnt get upset and have the need to get myself back to sanity/less stupidly all over the place. but i dont even seem to be able to do that (and yes i suck at taking AD's).

zombiette: i will try your suggestion. it sounds very sensible. i dont think i have really strong urges it seems to only happen when something else has got me upset.

irish: the problem with that is that i would have to tell doc about it and i really really really don't want to do that. he has given me lorazepam before for sleep and said i can use a little for anxiety (he has some idea that i have that but i dont really think i do, i just freak out badly when i go to dr, i get shakey and have to try not to cry and madly fidget with jewellery n stuff and i can see how that might be mistaken for anxiety).

sigh.

thank you for being so sweet n replyin.

x