Psychic,
Your story was so well-written, and I have to say that I really feel for you as we have had some similar occurrences.

Thanks Antimatter, I really do feel for you too

I never truly fathomed that I would ever be with my T IRL, or be a part of his family. I said that I wanted him to adopt me, but when I think of it really happening I feel sick. Because I think I needed the idealized version of T to stay right where he was, and if I ever became a part of his real life, my idealized T would be gone. I don't know if that makes sense.

Yes this makes a lot of sense to me. It is difficult to let go of the idealizations we have of people.

That being said, I do identify with your wanting your T to love/care about you. It did feel good to see him, to talk to him, and it is painful not to see him. It is painful that my ending wasn't the same as yours. I hope it is okay to say that Psychic, I hope you understand that I am truly happy for you!

It is fine for you to say that! I wish that your ending had not been so traumatic and painful for you.

Please KNOW that I am truly SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you and SOOOOOOOOOO proud of you! I suppose that things will continue to get better for you. It is good to know that you made it through this. Please keep posting and keep us updated! You are very strong and courageous!