[quote=autotelica;2594698]I don't know why you didn't think that was articulate, Anti.

Maybe my therapist goes about it the wrong way? 'Cuz she totally goes heavy on the "blame game" stuff when we talk about the past. While it is true she is working only on the material I've given her, she talks about my father in ways that make me feel defensive on his behalf. The same with my twin sister.

Actually, when she talks about how "mean" people have been to me, it triggers my tendency to see both sides of the story--which then neutralizes my negative reactions to the "villains" and makes me downplay the inherent "goodness" of the protoganist--me. For instance, she often plays up the importance of having been bullied. The more she does this, the more I see things from the point-of-view of the bullies and the more understandable/defensible their behavior becomes to me. Which totally negates the purpose of the exercise--which is to let me see myself as a victim of circumstance.

Auto,
I had a similar experience in therapy, where if my therapist took one side, I immediately would defend the other. I noticed it but I don't know that we ever worked through it.
Has your therapist said anything about dissociation or anything? I truly hope that you tell your therapist exactly what you wrote here, because it is a really important aspect of how you are reacting.
I like reading therapy books, and I'm not a therapist, but sometimes as children we idealize the "bad" parent (I'm not saying your parent was bad) because that parent also is a person whom you need to be safe. So, instead, you blame yourself for what has happened. This belief can be pervasive and I don't know if that helps you at all or not. I do hope you talk to your therapist about this. Keep me posted