i want to process the feelings because they are very hard to regulate, not really 'cause they are about her. And they are happening now, in this relationship - not in the past.

I don't care about the past in this regard. i want to deal with what I am feeling NOW. I don't want my therapist to be anything more than what she is and can be for me. It's the feelings i want to understand and process and learn from while they are as intense as they are. I clearly don't know how to do any of this, 'cause i so easily tuck these feelings away until something triggers them ... this is the 2nd time i've been triggered like this. So, of course, it's not going away and needs to be dealt with.

i just don't know how. and I'm not keen on writing something down, or showing her my posts ... each time I've done that's been a rupture... or something rupture-like... so ... still.... i dunno.

thanks rainbow for talking with me about this. i'm not sure how to resolve this. i seem to be brave enough to talk about almost anything else but this.