I see T tomorrow and then not for 2 weeks at least. There are some truths I have to tell her, and questions to ask. I'm scared and depressed. I have to tell her that most of therapy has been just because I want to be with her. That's so pathetic. I hate myself. Plus, she asked last week if I wanted to be the "most special" to her of her clients. At least I think that's what she meant. I said "no" right away. I think I lied, but part of me thinks I AM most special. I don't know how I could believe all the lies I tell myself.

I have a lot to do because we're going away this week. I don't know if I can deal with therapy now. I'm missing DBT for 3 weeks but my book is already packed! I wish I could talk to my DBT leader about my T and get some more skills. I suppose that wouldn't be out-of-line if it's about skills, would it be?