Please try to understand how many things you have working against you. When you say you "have to cut.... " you're likely speaking the truth. With so little sleep and so much stress in your life it's doubtful that you could make a clear-minded decision to not cut, and right now cutting is the only " tool" in your self-treatment toolbox.

It would be a miracle if you could sort out and resolve the problems you face by yourself without outside help. I so hope you're able to connect with some professional therapy--a psychiatrist, I hope, so that medications could be an option, if that seems a good choice for you.

Roadie