okay, lets start with the basics:P
your as alive as could be first off:P
second, based on the first few sentences, i'd say your feeling pretty bleak'.'
what do you mean by "wierd talk"? do you think you could elaborate on that?
and go ahead and let everything out.
letting it out is good if it expels unwanted emotions and tensions, then by all means, let your thoughts run wild, but just don't do anything hectic or dangerous that could put your life on risk:P