Wow, LMo, as you do, I appreciate direct specific answers and I think you gve me one:
"It goes from a reminder to a nag when the person who is being reminded gets offended," says Weiner-Davis. "How the behavior gets labeled depends on how the person hears it, not on how the person who says it feels.""

I definitely do get offended when my wife reminds me of "infractions" I committ because of ADD. Now I've just got to figure out why......
(interesting to note, when I take meds, I don't get offended, just when i'm off them)