I've been trying to post more responses to people's posts and the reason I often don't reply (like what Gabby said) is I'm just too insecure to feel like I'm capable of making anyone's lives better. But I can relate to how you feel. I'm so alone out here but in the few days I've been a member on this site, I have seen some of the most caring people in the world. I hope you're feeling okay, now. I'm working on receiving access to a therapist at the moment so it's something that we can go through together if you're willing. I think it would be good for us. Sorry, wish I could help more.