I couldn't get ah old of my sister, but my Mom finally called after being lost for three days. I had no idea if she was alive or dead. She feels guilty, I told her I had no food here, so she's getting some dude to bring her here and shes going to bring some groceries and gas money. It will help a little till I figure out why I did not receive my food stamps this month like I was supposed to. I think I may have missed an appointment some place along the line or something.

I did make my kids pancakes this morning, the rest of the Bisquick and milk. I have beans, eggs, juice, deer steaks, and some left over spaghetti and chicken. My kids are normally very picky eaters, but they will have no choice but to cooperate till I figure this out.

I feel ashamed that this has happened and that I risked my children's hunger. It's my fault, my irresponsibility, I guess. I feel awful, like a failure. We were doing good financially, then we slipped back into the hole. Maybe a miraculous even will happen and tomorrow I will receive my student loan or something.

I hate to have my mom in my house after her crack binge, but I need the food and gas money to get to college tomorrow, and to probably go to DHHR and maybe a food bank.

I'm sorry to have burdened you all with this. I was so terrified that my babies would be hungry because of my stupidity. I know I'm hungry, haven't eaten in two days, but that don't matter to me, all that matters in if my babies are fed, I'll starve so they can eat.

It's sad that I'm American, and I'm feeling like those mothers in Africa. It's truly my fault, my laziness.....it's caused this.

Just feel horrible today, I appreciate the words and letting me know that you are there.

Hopefully today things will get better.