Lost, have you ever tried DBT? I could not get past these types of feelings with people (not just past/current T's, but everyone) until I learned these skills. You don't seem to have the coping mechanisms to even handle the T relationship, much less trying to overcome your past traumas. You seem to be stuck in a loop, one I remember really well. It takes a lot of hard work and willingness to overcome this fear of abandonment. I still have issues to this day, but they are much better than in the past.