Quote:
Originally Posted by lostmyway21
****possible trigger end of therapy****
Omg what a horrible session. I went in totally happy. Like busting at the seems happy to be with T. He actually had to tell me to calm down a few times because I was borderline manic, and talking to fast, and jumping around on our walk. He told me I was going to crash. We talked and it was going great. Until for some stupid reason I asked him...why do I look up to you so much? He started to answer and I knew the answer was going in a bad direction fast so I tried to cut him off but it was too late. He told me that it's okay that I look up to him but I look up to him too much, because I worry about our relationship, and his responses way too much. I was like ah omg stop talking. Bad question, I take it back. But NOO he kept going. He said I looked up to him because he was the positive role model I never had. (Okay that wasn't bad) BUT then he told me he can't always be there. That someday I will have to do it on my own without him in my life. At that point I totally shutdown. He told me that he shouldn't have to watch what he says about this in order to keep me from shutting down every single time. And that he shouldnt have to worry about not answering a text about our relationship, and setting off a reaction. That I needed to accept that he wouldn't be doing his job if I was in therapy forever. It was over at that point...I didn't say a word. He said he couldn't believe I had just made the biggest switch EVER...from totally manic to not talking.
He then told me that we had a lot of time still together. That he wouldn't change anything until I was stable. That we would first have to go from 2x session a week to 1x then to every other week. And if it didn't work then we would go back. BUT then he said eventually when I was stable I would have to stop seeing him. Then later he said if ever I needed him again I could always come back.
I don't want to ever lose him. It would be like losing a parent. He's the only role model I have ever had. He's the only safe stable figure I have ever have. Why do I ever have to stop seeing him? Why can't I always see him every couple weeks?
I'm so upset. I didn't want to hear any of this today. Ah I hate myself for asking.  |
I can't help but feel he himself cultivated this situation of over-dependence, therefore can't really complain when the sh-it hits the fan! Even though his intentions were honourable at the time, he and he alone has to take responsibility for it. Maybe he shouldn't
haveto worry about not answering a text etc but that's just the way it is.
Also i want to absolutely promise you that by the time the day comes when you don't need therapy anymore... it will not be the devastating feeling you have now because YOU will be ready to move away from therapy. Not going to therapy doesn't mean that you won't have a relationship with him at all, by that time your relationship will be less idolised parent and child and more amicable fond friendship. He will be someone you can always rely on.